No, it's just Supervisor. Well, who am I kidding? No one is going to call me anything, but I AM all trained and ready to work the polls on November 8th! I've wanted to do this for a while, civic duty and all that (I had no idea you got paid to work the polls), but was too busy with the kids. I'm still too busy, but this people-watching opportunity could not be passed up.
Luckily, I was assigned to my own precinct, so it's quite close to my home. That will come in handy once I'm done with the 14-15 hour day. I'm tired just thinking about it. Another great reason to be there? I'll get to see my kids vote in their first presidential election! How cool is that? Too bad it isn't an election we can get more excited about....but I digress.
The election is two weeks from today! Get out there and vote!
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
Monday, October 24, 2016
Another birthday for my Abigail
Time moves in one direction, memory in another.
William Gibson
It amazed me every year how the very cells of my being remember the fall of 1995. Without fail, whether I'm paying attention or not, my body remembers. During the month of October, I find myself feeling anxious, sad, irritable, weepy, angry, or depressed, when on the outside, there's no 'real' reason to feel that way. Inevitably, the reason dawns on me. Abigail's birthday is approaching.
This year we will mark Abigail's 21st birthday. Twenty-one years. How is this even possible?
Yesterday was just a crappy day. We had one of those Sunday mornings when I was stressed, feeling like I had 100 things to do and no time to get them done, and I did not feel like going to church. We skipped Sunday School, and just went to the main service. Of course, during worship, I started tearing up. I don't even know what prompted it. One minute I was singing, and the next minute, I was thinking, "I don't want to celebrate another birthday without her!" And the tears came.
I tried to discreetly dab at my eyes, but quickly lost the battle and excused myself to run to the ladies' room. And ran smack into a friend, who wanted to know if I was okay. I laughed it off as we entered the restroom, and she was perceptive enough to give me a hug and leave it at that. I took a moment alone in the bathroom stall to let out a sob and blow my nose, and made my way back to the sanctuary.
This year we will mark Abigail's 21st birthday. Twenty-one years. How is this even possible?
Yesterday was just a crappy day. We had one of those Sunday mornings when I was stressed, feeling like I had 100 things to do and no time to get them done, and I did not feel like going to church. We skipped Sunday School, and just went to the main service. Of course, during worship, I started tearing up. I don't even know what prompted it. One minute I was singing, and the next minute, I was thinking, "I don't want to celebrate another birthday without her!" And the tears came.
I tried to discreetly dab at my eyes, but quickly lost the battle and excused myself to run to the ladies' room. And ran smack into a friend, who wanted to know if I was okay. I laughed it off as we entered the restroom, and she was perceptive enough to give me a hug and leave it at that. I took a moment alone in the bathroom stall to let out a sob and blow my nose, and made my way back to the sanctuary.
The pastor was preaching about a "Biblical Approach to Church Growth," but I confess that my mind was wandering. My eyes kept leaking, and my nose was running, and all I could think about was how I was going to have to make my way out of church with everyone seeing that I was crying. I'm so open about our loss, and truly don't mind talking about it. I'm so uncomfortable, though, around other people when I'm feeling upset. It's a vicious cycle: I cry, someone asks why, I explain, I cry harder, another person asks why.... I JUST WANTED OUT. Thankfully, we had taken two cars to church, so when I passed Steve a note saying "I need to go home," he just handed me his keys without question.
In the car, I finally had the privacy to sob and tell God how I was feeling. I miss my baby. I hate anticipating her birthday without her here. I just didn't want to be around anyone (alone time, of any sort, is at a premium these days with our current family schedule). I swung though a drive-thru for a Diet Coke (comfort food), and went home to a blessedly quiet house. I prepped dinner in the silence, grateful for the time to collect myself before my family arrived home.
We have 5 days until our baby turns 21. It's a crazy busy week (what else is new?). Hopefully, I can find that quiet time to decompress so I won't be overwhelmed by the emotions again. Not that I'm beating myself up--I'm not. The last few years have been hard as a mom. This parenting adults is not for the faint of heart. This will be the first year that kids will be working on her birthday, and unable to come with us to the cemetery. I think those changes are weighing on me, along with my grief. Every year is different, but one thing never changes: even if I'm too busy to really *think* about Abigail's birthday, my body is sure to remind me.
In the car, I finally had the privacy to sob and tell God how I was feeling. I miss my baby. I hate anticipating her birthday without her here. I just didn't want to be around anyone (alone time, of any sort, is at a premium these days with our current family schedule). I swung though a drive-thru for a Diet Coke (comfort food), and went home to a blessedly quiet house. I prepped dinner in the silence, grateful for the time to collect myself before my family arrived home.
We have 5 days until our baby turns 21. It's a crazy busy week (what else is new?). Hopefully, I can find that quiet time to decompress so I won't be overwhelmed by the emotions again. Not that I'm beating myself up--I'm not. The last few years have been hard as a mom. This parenting adults is not for the faint of heart. This will be the first year that kids will be working on her birthday, and unable to come with us to the cemetery. I think those changes are weighing on me, along with my grief. Every year is different, but one thing never changes: even if I'm too busy to really *think* about Abigail's birthday, my body is sure to remind me.
Thursday, October 29, 2015
A Birthday, by the numbers
Hey baby-girl,
Today is your 20th birthday. Twenty years ago, I couldn't have imagined being at this point. I couldn't imagine this much time passing by. I still can't believe it's been so long since I've held you in my arms.
2 decades (DECADES!! In 5 years, it will be a quarter of a CENTURY since I've seen you. Oh, I do miss you, my sweet girl....)
20 years
240 months
1040 weeks
7300 days
Not one of those days has gone by without the thought of you crossing my mind. Without wishing that we'd had some time, ANY time with you before you went home to be with the Lord. Time to get to know you, even a little. To see your eyes. To hear you cry. To feel the weight of you in my arms one more time.
But they are also days that we have acknowledged God's sovereignty. Relied on His faithfulness. Marveled at His mercy. Given thanks for His grace. Anticipated eternity when we will be with you forever.
And so today, when I really, really, really wish I was baking you a birthday cake & celebrating with you in person, I thought I would list some other numbers:
21 years married to your dad
19 years as Eli's mom
17 years as Maddie's mom
15 years as Patience's mom
18 years of friendship with Kathy (who I never would have met if we hadn't lost you)
1 brother-in-law gained
4 baby nephews welcomed into the world
15 years of homeschooling
20 Christmases & holidays with family
20 Christmas ornaments reminding us of your place in our family
Dozens of friends made
So many moms who have shared their own stories of loss with me
3 apartments
7 cars
5 cats
10 guinea pigs (and one case of adult-onset asthma)
1 fabulous sister, who is one of my best friends
Thousands of belly laughs with your brother and sisters
Two licensed teenagers
1 graduated homeschooler
A gazillion cookies baked
7300 days of knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are happy, whole, and safe in the presence of God
1040 weeks of thankfulness for Christ's sacrifice that allows us the assurance of an eternity to get to know you
240 months of gratitude that we are blessed to have you as our daughter, no matter how short the time was
20 years of making sure that you're not forgotten
2 decades of missing you.
Happy 20th Birthday, my precious daughter. It will be just a blink until we're together again, and once we are, it will feel like no time at all has passed. I love you so much.
Mom
Today is your 20th birthday. Twenty years ago, I couldn't have imagined being at this point. I couldn't imagine this much time passing by. I still can't believe it's been so long since I've held you in my arms.
2 decades (DECADES!! In 5 years, it will be a quarter of a CENTURY since I've seen you. Oh, I do miss you, my sweet girl....)
20 years
240 months
1040 weeks
7300 days
Not one of those days has gone by without the thought of you crossing my mind. Without wishing that we'd had some time, ANY time with you before you went home to be with the Lord. Time to get to know you, even a little. To see your eyes. To hear you cry. To feel the weight of you in my arms one more time.
But they are also days that we have acknowledged God's sovereignty. Relied on His faithfulness. Marveled at His mercy. Given thanks for His grace. Anticipated eternity when we will be with you forever.
And so today, when I really, really, really wish I was baking you a birthday cake & celebrating with you in person, I thought I would list some other numbers:
21 years married to your dad
19 years as Eli's mom
17 years as Maddie's mom
15 years as Patience's mom
18 years of friendship with Kathy (who I never would have met if we hadn't lost you)
1 brother-in-law gained
4 baby nephews welcomed into the world
15 years of homeschooling
20 Christmases & holidays with family
20 Christmas ornaments reminding us of your place in our family
Dozens of friends made
So many moms who have shared their own stories of loss with me
3 apartments
7 cars
5 cats
10 guinea pigs (and one case of adult-onset asthma)
1 fabulous sister, who is one of my best friends
Thousands of belly laughs with your brother and sisters
Two licensed teenagers
1 graduated homeschooler
A gazillion cookies baked
7300 days of knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are happy, whole, and safe in the presence of God
1040 weeks of thankfulness for Christ's sacrifice that allows us the assurance of an eternity to get to know you
240 months of gratitude that we are blessed to have you as our daughter, no matter how short the time was
20 years of making sure that you're not forgotten
2 decades of missing you.
Happy 20th Birthday, my precious daughter. It will be just a blink until we're together again, and once we are, it will feel like no time at all has passed. I love you so much.
Mom
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Practicing a little self-care today
I almost typed "self-love" in the title of this, but that just sounds wrong. :) Either way, this momma needs a little down time; a little me time.
I cancelled our RSVP to the farm field trip that the girls and I were supposed to go on tomorrow. Sleeping in and staying in pajamas just sounds too nice. I booked a pedicure for Thursday afternoon--hopefully I won't spend the whole time bawling. At least the appointment is early enough that I won't feel rushed getting home.
This season of life is SO busy. It is sometimes hard to remember that it is okay to say no to things, and okay to take some time to relax. The housework can (and does...) wait. It's okay if we have an easy pasta dinner. The kids won't be ruined for life if we take an afternoon to watch a movie.
There are 51 other weeks of the year when I force myself to honor commitments, check off everything on the to-do lists, and get stuff DONE. The world will keep spinning if I allow myself this one week per year to lay low.
I cancelled our RSVP to the farm field trip that the girls and I were supposed to go on tomorrow. Sleeping in and staying in pajamas just sounds too nice. I booked a pedicure for Thursday afternoon--hopefully I won't spend the whole time bawling. At least the appointment is early enough that I won't feel rushed getting home.
This season of life is SO busy. It is sometimes hard to remember that it is okay to say no to things, and okay to take some time to relax. The housework can (and does...) wait. It's okay if we have an easy pasta dinner. The kids won't be ruined for life if we take an afternoon to watch a movie.
There are 51 other weeks of the year when I force myself to honor commitments, check off everything on the to-do lists, and get stuff DONE. The world will keep spinning if I allow myself this one week per year to lay low.
Sunday, October 11, 2015
Happy Birthday, Eli!
We had a nice day that included church, cake & ice cream with the grandparents, and a Patriots win!
Eli is a huge tennis fan, do I made him a tennis court cake. He loved it!
He recently bought himself an iPhone, so iTunes cards were the gift du jour!
We're so blessed to have this boy in our lives.
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
One down, two to go!
(Warning--photo HEAVY post here!)
How did THIS....
How did THIS....
....turn into THIS?
I can't believe Eli has graduated! I could fill a book with all of the memories I have from homeschooling this boy for 15 years (preschool, kindergarten, squeezing in extra 3rd/4th grade year--and I'm so glad we did!), but I'll settle for tons of pictures of his graduation day.
Dad helping out with Eli's tie.
Dad helping out with Eli's tie.
A selfie before we headed to the church!
A few family photos before the ceremony:
Eli & my beautiful girls, Maddie & Patience
Mem & Pep!
My sister and her family COMPLETELY surprised Eli by coming down from Canada for the ceremony!
Pomp & Circumstance...walk slowly!
Presenting his diploma (after surviving the speech!)
Turning the tassel with his best friend, Josh
I did it! (I mean, HE, he did it! LOL)
Grandpa & Grandma
We could only call him by his baby name on the family party cake. ;)
Eli with his cousin, Jack
It was a great day! Now he's working two jobs (Chick-Fil-A & Burger King) and putting money aside. He still hasn't decided if he wants to go to college just yet. He bought Steve's car, so he can get himself back and forth without too much bother to us. :)
We're excited to see where God & life take him!
And then there were two....we get to do this all over again next spring with Maddie!
We're excited to see where God & life take him!
And then there were two....we get to do this all over again next spring with Maddie!
Sunday, August 2, 2015
She works hard for the money
I just finished my first full week of work at my new job! I'm an aide in the reference department of our local library, and so far, I love it.
I'm working 19 hours / week with a fixed schedule. After 12 years of selling Psmpered Chef and making my own hours (I'm still going shows, just not as many), I'm sure this will be an adjustment. Everyone at the library is so nice, though--I've known most of them for years, since we've been using this library since we moved to the area in 1995.
Scheduling car rides with the kids' jobs is a bit crazy, but I know we'll get into a routine.
A consistent paycheck is going to be a nice perk after over a decade of one that fluctuated (especially in the last two years while the children's schedules got so much busier).
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