Back in the Saddle Again...

All summer I've basically been telling myself, "C'mon, you've maintained a 30 lbs. weight loss for almost a year. Cut yourself some slack! Eat some pie! You're only up 5 lbs. or so....you'll totally lose that right away once you get back on track. It's summer! Enjoy yourself!" etc., etc., etc.

And, to be honest, it's true. Last year, when I was affectionately known as "The Diet Nazi", I was only 3 lbs lighter than I am now. My waist was only 1/2" smaller. So, the fact is, I have done a pretty good job maintaining.

But, I'm actually up a whole EIGHT pounds from my lowest weight (this go 'round...not for all of my life), and my waist is TWO WHOLE INCHES bigger than it was, say, last December. And let me tell you. Those 8 lbs. feel like 25, and those 2 inches mean that none of last fall's jeans fit. Decently at least--I tend to wear jeans a bit on the loose side, to avoid the muffin-top effect, which in my case is more of a Pillsbury Dough Boy effect.

What's worse, though, and what has me beating myself up today, is the fact that, by being soooo relaxed, and keeping soooo much junk food in the house, both of my girls have gained weight. Significant amounts for them. I just can't believe I didn't notice--not that they look fat (they don't)--just the sheer amount of crap we've been eating.

And so we start again. My heart is breaking for one of my daughters, who worked so hard last summer to slim down, and did a remarkable job maintaining--I feel like I sabotaged her. How could I do that to her? It's bad enough that she sees all of my weight neuroses--I mean, we talk about being healthy, it's not like I'm throwing up after meals or anything like that. But she's seen me struggle with my weight and eating habits. I'm just trying to teach the girls that you're fabulous and beautiful at any weight, BUT, should you have an issue with the number on the scale, or how your clothes are fitting, the time to do something about it is NOW. When it's 3, 5, 7 lbs, and before it gets to be 15, 20, 40 lbs. And that the only way to do it is to keep track of what you eat, make good decisions, eat ENOUGH for your body to be healthy, and to MOVE MORE.

I'm just feeling so awful tonight. Both of the girls were horrified at how much they had gained--not a lot by a long shot, but much more than they had thought. We're not crash dieting by any stretch of the imagination, but part of me is hoping that they can each take off a few lbs. before we go for their physicals in two weeks. We've also got fall clothes shopping to do, and I just remember how fun it was last year---everything fit, everything looked cute....I hate to see my daughter upset, like she was at the beginning of summer '10, when nothing fit, she felt awful, and the whole shopping trip was full of tears.

We can do this. I know we can. I told my daughter (who slimmed down), "We worked TOO hard last year to just give up. We will get back on track." There's just this part of my brain that wonders if I'm teaching her good eating habits and self-discipline, or if I'm setting her up for a lifetime of yo-yo dieting. Or bad self-image. Or an eating disorder. :( :( :( Hopefully, though, with lots of encouragement and prayer, the 3 of us will get back on track together, and be thrilled in a month or two to say that this hiccup on the way to healthy eating is behind us.